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• I felt a mixture of emotions when I read Matt Valentine's letter in the October issue of therapy today, chief amongst which were sadness and anger. I was sad and angry that he seemed to feel the need to undermine the work done by others to educate, inform and challenge us all (not just heterosexuals) about the needs of sexual minority clients. His frequent use of inverted commas throughout his letter is a rhetorical device which implies the opposite of what is being written – thus 'expert' comes to mean charlatan, 'educate' comes to mean brainwash, etc. Particularly contemptuous, I felt, was his use of ‘these people’ when referring to the leaders of workshops aimed at educating us about the differences in values and cultures that may exist amongst certain gay communities. In my opinion, ‘these people’ have done a lot over the years to challenge us all, whatever our sexuality, about the limitations of a heterosexist view of the world and of relationships, and have equipped us to work more sensitively with clients whose relationship patterns and needs may be different from our own, without pathologising them.

  As a gay man, I do not consider myself in any way an expert about gay sexuality, relationships, or culture (although I would challenge Matt's use of the singular when he talks about gay culture – surely there are many different cultures which gay people inhabit, as is true for any individual?) – rather, I recognise my need to go on being educated, to go on learning, and to go on having my values shaken up. I've just returned from the BACP conference where I attended a workshop about a model of relationships which left me feeling somewhat uncomfortable and disturbed; however, I do not think it is helpful to attack the motives of the presenters of such workshops. Rather, it is incumbent on me to think about why I felt uncomfortable and disturbed – what my blind spots may be – so that I am more sensitive to the range of needs and values that my clients bring into therapy with them.

  Heterosexuals do not, in my opinion, need to be patronised about their integrity or their ability to work with sexual minority clients. I would argue, however, that we all need to go on being challenged and made aware of the gaps in our knowledge, and of the fascinating, disturbing, wonderful variety that exists in all aspects of our humanity.

• David Mair, MBACP (Senior Accred)