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• I have been following the discussion that was ignited by James Hennah’s letter (Therapy Today, May 2010) titled ‘Bloke bashing’ with interest. It is great that an open exchange about masculinity is taking place. However, I am feeling a growing unease about the direction this has taken.
  
  First, David Mair rejects Hennah’s position by expressing his belief that there is no essential core, either biological or otherwise, that contains the essence of a man. In doing so Mair delivers a poor argument because, as he states, he talks about personal beliefs. In contrast to Mair’s beliefs, various researchers have recently defined considerable biological differences between males and females, in terms of neurological and hormonal differences, such as Pinker or Baron-Cohen. In addition there are numerous studies showing considerable cognitive differences between men and women; these differences affect feelings, behaviour and life choices. Whilst not all men have the same outlook or share the same values, there are even more differences between men and women, something that Mair fails to consider. Furthermore, Mair fails to be aware that an un-reflected use of a social constructivist view of masculinity can easily trigger guilt in the male client, if he is made to think about himself from a ‘queer’ perspective, because a queer perspective implies that conventional masculinity is wholly undesirable.
  
  Another response to Hennah is by Lois Peachy who claims it is regrettable that men are vilified as potential paedophiles but that Hennah’s problem ought to be seen as a valuable lesson. Peachy’s opinion is thinly disguised as supportive yet actually amounts to an archaic eye-for-an-eye approach. Peachy’s belief worries me for how can two wrongs (the marginalisation of women and then the marginalisation of men) make a right. I don’t see how such an outlook helps psychotherapists to understand how different men experience life.
  
  I have been researching masculine psychology for a number of years and have completed two research studies; one on male fear, and the other on male anxiety. I learned from my work that men, especially heterosexual men, are often terrified about admitting that they struggle or suffer. They tend to keep this hidden even from themselves. As a therapist I work hard to help men accept that struggling with feelings does not mean they are a failure. As a tutor and lecturer I emphasise this to therapy students. Facilitating a peer support group for male therapists in central London was one of the projects I was consequently drawn to and now I am in the process of setting up another peer support group.
  
  Hennah has taken a stance and has aired his problems and talked about personally difficult experiences and how he thinks these are linked to current society. Sadly, encouragement of Hennah’s openness has not been forthcoming. It would not be surprising therefore if other men (male students and male therapists) who follow this discussion might think twice before talking about their difficulties as men. If we don’t know what those possible difficulties are we can’t address them. And in the context of this discussion it might be worthwhile to ask if we actually understand why so few men train as therapists? Is it because too many men are missing a space where they feel free to talk about their struggles without being ‘bashed’?

• Dr Werner Kierski
  MBACP (Snr Accred) psychotherapist, lecturer and researcher