How fantastic to see such a wide range of letters in the September issue of Therapy Today commenting on Su Connan’s excellent article ‘A kink in the process’ (Therapy Today, July 2010). The editor must have felt vindicated in her courageous decision to publish this article, as it is clearly ‘on target’ as a hot topic for therapists to arouse such passion in the readership, and I wanted to share my own reflections on a couple of the letters.

Audrey Gachen’s impassioned polemic about the use of the term ‘kinky’ and the cover design reminded me that language is constantly evolving and the current acceptability of these subjugated identities changes over time, and the power to define is shared between the individual and community which the term defines. I’ve met women-loving women who hate being called ‘lesbian’, and lesbians who hate being called ‘gay women’. However, ‘kink’ is the current informally accepted term used by the majority of members of the BDSM community and those of us who work with them, and indeed the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom¹ runs a special website to help people find a variety of Kink Aware Professionals (KAP). It is not the same as saying ‘Understanding poofters’, as Gachen suggested.

I do not want to take up valuable journal space with a lengthy counter to Biddy Harling’s exposition of a somewhat outdated object relations approach to understanding BDSM, which I found both pathologising and covertly moralising, in which she presented a partisan stance (there are other equally fragile and contradictory analytic ways of understanding the subject), but I would encourage your readership to explore the distinctions made by analytically-trained Dr Chess Denman² on ‘transgressive and coercive sex’ as a much more helpful way of understanding ‘where do we draw the line?’, as Harling implores.

Whilst many therapists relish meaning making with their clients, Harling clearly objects to clients acting on these impulses. Where these activities are not illegal (ie the bestiality in her example) and merely transgressive (ie the urination or coprophilia, again her examples), it is not her place to judge transgressive consenting sexual activity by adults.

Britain clearly needs more openly kink-aware, kink-friendly therapists who can help depathologise the shame attached to this area of sexual activity and identity. We would encourage such therapists to list their practices in our online Directory of Pink Therapists, and for those who are open-minded and curious enough to want to know more, we have an introductory-level workshop on ‘Understanding Kink’ on 15 January 2011, run by Meg Barker (co-editor of the first British textbook³ for therapists, exploring a non-pathologising stance to BDSM) which we would warmly encourage colleagues to attend. Full details are available in the training section of our website (www.pinktherapy.com).

Dominic Davies
FBACP; MBACP (Snr Accred); Dip Couns & Psychoth; TFT (Thought Field Therapy) Adv; Director of Pink Therapy

1. National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. Kink Aware Professionals (KAP Program). Visit https://www.ncsfreedom.org/resources/kink-aware-professionals.html
2. Denman C. Sexuality: a biopsycho-social approach. Basingstoke: Palgrave. 2004; 198-226.
3. Langdridge D, Barker M (eds). Safe, sane and consensual: contemporary perspectives on sadomasochism. Basingstoke: Palgrave; 2007.